I've Been Vandalized

Streak Start: This “1” really brings out the blue in my eyes.

So I’ve ignored Streak for a day….thinking it might miss me a little if I played hard to get. Perhaps it would accidentally bump me to a 10 even though I haven’t played. But apparently the Streak has enough Fawning Admirers and although I have my special place in its moody heart, I can’t be the center of its universe at this point. I mean, how can I when we get stuck on first dates?

I choose with careful confidence where our next date will take place. I know I’ve got my No Rooting for Texas rule. However, TWO Texas teams were going to share the nets today…Baylor Bears at Texas Tech Red Raiders. I don’t remember why I ended up choosing to court Baylor, but they won. My validation for choosing Texas? Texas vs. Texas means Texas will also lose.
It worked for now….I’m nervously hanging out with a 2. Two is hanging out? What? Is that legal?

A tough call looking at the Miami Hurricanes who are going to cross the Clemson Tigers threshold. In these cases, it seems to make sense to choose the home team. This could very well come back to bite me and swallow my 2 (hmmm….might not be such a bad thing). We shall see. I do like Tigers though. But I’ve met more Hurricanes.

****Post Game****

I’d be super witty right now but I have a girl child burping in my ear and a conversation to boot. Sometimes she’s talented enough to hold an entire conversation with a single belch.
The Tigers came through for me. Ga-Rowl. I’ve got another game to pick for the night to see if I can change that soft, supple “3” into an angular, manly “4”.

On that baritone of a note, I’m looking at yet another NCB game….the Idaho Vandals (Idaho always reminds me of a dirty joke from when I was in middle school) at the San Jose State Spartans. I like Will Ferrell. He was a Spartan cheerleader.

****Post Game****

I might add that Will Ferrell was not a REAL cheerleader.

Sis Boom Bah!
Gave Me A Zero, Didn’t CHA?

Cookies and Kisses

Streak Start: 1

Yeah! I’m pole dancing around my “1”! But then again, is this simply going to be another first date only?

The Mister is not in a very popular mood tonight. Extra coffee and cookies will probably sway the boat. I hear they are very good for recovering from hernia repair surgery.

I had all kinds of Grown Up duties to tend to today and therefore never did get to put the proper amount of research into my winning 50K for this month. GOOD LORD that’s a great truffle!!! I’m hanging out doing that whole cyber serious thing, moving haybales and trees around on my Farmville and eating truffles.

So the only pick I’ve made today has come after watching the dog poop three times today, locking the chickens back up for the night and wondering why it seems like the Olive Garden dumped off all their dishes in my sink after the dinner rush.

Basically I’m wearing a t-shirt that says, All I Got to Pick Was a Lousy Hockey Game. After swapping back and forth I decided on taking the Phoenix Coyotes at home vs the Columbus Blue Jackets. The brewing Grandbaby lives in Arizona….so in hindsight that’s why I really chose them. Otherwise it was file under Girl Reasons – what’s cuter, a blue jacket or a coyote? More dangerous? Edgy?

Hoping tonight is the night that I dream of Ark de Noah and how his journey was brought to you by the number 2.

Hey 3! You Look Mighty Cute in Them Jeans!

Streak Start: Pbbbbbbttttttt!

Will the redemption never arrive?

I’m terrific at luring and baiting a one here and there, but apparently in the last couple of weeks, I’m not passing muster for a 2nd date.

At the moment I see there are a plethora of 1pm games going on today. As of this writing, it’s only 11:33am. I’m going to enjoy some coffee, Farmville and oatmeal. Cozy grandma type things. Soon I’m going to learn how to knit skeleton sweaters for the Hot Topic baby. I also have the dog barking at what might be the flapping of a fly’s wings and Mate talking on the phone next to me. I can barely write a coherent sentence so pick-choosing is probably on the off peak at the moment.

****Post Distraction****

Well, had I simply seen New England Patriots at home vs the Miami Dolphins, I wouldn’t even need a brain to chose. So hopefully this isn’t one of those, YEAH, CHECK OUT THIS NO BRAINER…EVEN MY GUINEA PIGS WOULDN’T GET THIS ONE WRONG and then Oops. New England gets a wedgie. In between making more coffee, feeding humans and having a head full of blog posts (my Other Blogs are out there…check under profile), I’m looking for a quick pick, a chance to see Mate naked in the shower and some reading time.

****Post Game and Shower****

Can I tell you how relieved I am that not only do I have at least one erect thing in my life (a shiny new “1”!) since Mate’s hernia surgery a few days ago? Besides the Patriots winning me the stuffed bear at the carnival, the Ravens have also won. I have no pick riding on their wings, but do like the team.

Next up for the 4:15 games was a pile of confusion and new GPS programming. I was going to take Eagles over Dallas until I saw that none of Philly’s players were showing up. Slight exaggeration but I’m a girl who is dog paddling in the sports pool so that’s what you get. I really wanted to go against Dallas (see prior Never Picking Texas Teams Rule) but didn’t feel like Philly was 100% going to catch me. I’m pretty sure it’s possible that they’d have my ass before my back so moving along.

I recall losing the one time I did decide with full throttle abandon to rip it all off and choose the Houston Texans. And then I lost my streak. So I was left flapping in the breeze after finally giving in. So today’s rule of No Texas is up, reinforced with brick walls and high school security guards with 3 moustache hairs each.

I checked out the San Diego Chargers @ Denver Broncos instead. Hm. You know, I thought I wouldn’t find anything on this menu that was going to graze my palate as nicely as choosing (safely) against any Texas team. This one seems to be it. Don’t worry, I have my plate of Crow waiting in the fridge should I need it. Mate currently has a 4 streak so maybe he can feed it to me. Naked.

****Post Game****

It’s been a few glasses of wine at this point and after San Diego won, I decided to go with a fun basketball game. I imagined choosing Seattle Seahawks at first up against St. Louis, but didn’t. Why? Well the conversation with Mate went in the direction of me wanting to take Seattle but thinking maybe I oughta choose St. Louis. I’d want to visit Seattle more than St. Louis and Mate agreed with that. However, that’s the Girl way of choosing things and it may or may not increase my streak. I decided to ignore that game and choose Stanford Cardinal basketball instead. They’d be entertaining the California Golden Bears for the evening. It was one of those picks where neither looked especially threatening to the other so I went with the home team.
And it paid off. I am embracing a “3” in bed tonight peeps. Oh the glory of a 3 in patchouli as opposed to a Zero in Brut. Mere child’s play!

Sweet dreams tonight. I’ll be engulfed by my 3 while it lasts.

This Streak has Been Brought to you By the letter Yipes!

Streak Start: I fooled around and fell in One….

It’s been a rough night, far from the dreams of a future happy Grammy. Chaos ensues in these parts and members of the household were having a rather cantankerous day yesterday. Possibly because those members had surgery for this morning. There’s something to be said for the value of dust settling and quiet moments.

That’s my disclaimer for all losses today. I don’t have one for the other days but see a real opportunity to capitalize on it today!

The first game is Army vs SMU…another alchemy game with points from field goals vs winning margin. Might as well say something about the combustibility of 2 x 3nth = (pie)5. Skip to my lou and onto the next game in between phone calls from hospital, friends and family. At least I knew better that I couldn’t logically choose this one. Unless I were to go majority. Sometimes the coin flip is the passionate kiss.

Wimp that I am, I’m lucky I can change a baby diaper, should these hands ever have to step up to Grandmotherly duty (So tempted to write Doody). Passing up that pick is just silly seeing as my shots of winning anything this month are slimmer than me chasing an ostrich in a pair of heelies.

The Pinstripe Bowl looks like a a nice refuge. I take the Kansas State Wildcats over Syracuse Orange. Wildcats sound edgier than an orange. I’ve never seen an orange dive out of a bowl and hiss. Plus it seems that Syracuse may be missing some players today for various issues. I feel like a mean grandma, taking a team against one that just had a player go in for removal of a brain tumor, but it’s the streak. And I know I won’t have another 14 by tomorrow but the compassionate vote alone might not help.

I thought about choosing for Mate today while he’s in recovery, waiting for approval to leave. But his streak is currently a three and I really don’t want to be responsible for getting it drunk and letting it wander into traffic.

Not only that, but he's being a total fang filled rabid animal to me so I'll let him lose his three all on his own.

****Post Game****

Choosing compassionate would have allowed me a vision of what other numbers look like over "1". However, in between running out to find refuge in a bookstore and dealing with a mad man who thinks that his mother and I were attempting to attack him with bad posture, I had to reach into that basket of F*ck Its and allow tonight to be just that.

The day ends with a barbed wire zero.

We Got the Spazz

Streak Start: Draw a crop circle and take out anything interested. I’m left with the circle.

Day starts off too late to choose the dreaded soccer game. This was the universe purposefully keeping us in bed long enough to miss it by the proverbial hair.

My losing streak is gaining on me…a hungry 3 that threatens to unhinge the refrigerator of scoreboards and devour all that is relevant to a winning streak. Unfortunately, the Mate has his biggest losing streak ever…somewhere near a 7 or an 8. That can’t be good for the Likes To Win, Will Kill if He’s Losing, Soul.

How on earth am I going to be able to afford all those informative and frightening pregnancy books for my beautiful kids? The toughest is finding a great Father to Be book that doesn’t either unnecessarily inflate a man’s sac or make him out to be an aimless oaf.

Noticing that the 2pm game is creeping up like a pair of granny panties, I choose in a fairly flitful way. Company has just walked in to share with me a Russian version of Skating with the Stars, and let me tell you ~ it is full of passion! So I take the fancy complicated pick that I usually pass over with a look of disdain.

The game that luck would put before me is the Eagle Bank Military Bowl. East Carolina vs Maryland in college feetballs. 75.1% chooses that Maryland will have the winning margain vs EC’s points from field goals. Fine by me. Bring on the frozen Russians while I wait.

Yeah! A win! Kiss kiss kiss kiss! Mama can buy the GOOD bread this week, kids!!!

The next choice is made with a quick peek at scores all season. The Baylor Bears are home and the name rings a winning sound in my ears. Hopefully it isn’t some sorta reverb off Illinois Fighting Illini. A preview that I read states something about weakness in Illinois’ offense so with only 6 minutes, Dougie Fresh you’re on…uh uh on, I trigger finger it to the Bears.

If it’s not bad enough that the Mister is having a rotten time processing his day, I notice that Baylor is very attached, affectionate almost, with their own Zero. Meanwhile, Illinois laughs wholeheartedly, running off with 14 points as they look back on the coddled lack of points to the opposite side.

Eventually while the Mister continues his constant hammering and all dust remains in the air, I see that it’s me and Zero tonight. Actually though, if you look at that bright, spring green Zero on the home page, it’s actually kind of pretty. Festive. Comforting.

Eventually you just start finding weird and different ways to choose. So with Utah Jazz gifting the Los Angeles Clippers with their presence, I decided to go Jazz. Because I like jazz music. I like the hip hop group Tribe Called Qwest’s song “We got the Jazz”. I’m jazzed. My day is falling apart like an overboiled strip of tripe. I need to be jazzed up. Help me find a reason not to eat a whole cake and put my toothbrush on strike!

It's a Lyger. It's Probably My Favorite Animal.

Streak start: A big Whopping bowl of Nil.

OMG, I’m waking up with my hair so dirty it has a parental advisory label on it.
I’m pretty sure that I woke up just late enough not to choose the soccer game. Instead I have to wait until 6:35pm for a game. Darn. You mean I’m going to waste two perfectly good opportunities to keep my zero?

For the Champs Sports Bowl, I’m going with the West Virginia Wolverines as they trapse down over to North Carolina. I’m choosing wolverines for the Napoleon Dynamite reference. (I was in Alaska hunting wolverines with my uncle!). And they’re home. And the minority factor at the time of choosing. And I’m running to Borders with giftcards - Whoop! That'll render me drunk with happy! Game who?

***Post Game***
I was just kidding with my West Virginia pick. Let me try again.

Enter into my life, the Insight Bowl. Missouri Tigers vs the Iowa Hawkeyes. I’ve seen the home page of ESPN before….with the one pick under the Streak for the Cash banner. I’ve never made a pick from here. I was just curious…like a puppy chasing a butterly. A very What Will Happen If I just pick it kind of thing. A self dare, if you will. Check. Hee hee…I like tigers.

***Post Game***

Have I mentioned the dive in my college bowl pick stocks? Do not let me handle your Pick Portfolio. I’ll touch the edge and it will consume itself into ash.

Another flip of the coin gone wrong. Coin has committed cash suicide down a sewage drain. Bah!

The Devil Jumped outta Georgia

Streak starts: 1

I woke up and was informed by mate that my team won last night. For purposes of winning the streak, “my team” only applies as long as the box is checked with their name in it. Once the game is over and a new box with another team is check-marked, they are no longer “my team”. After all the Woe Is Me drama that I left off with last night. I guess it worked!

I worked from home today, in the aftermath of travel strander of a snowstorm. I thought this might give me slight lee-way for research but a) the first game didn’t start until 3pm, near the time that I would be stopping work and b) it is a beloved (NOT) Soccer game. With my normal self imposed rules I should have taken this one. I only had a one to lose. But my mind and soul are coming from sports depravity now….I’m gonna white-knuckle that one into a two. I will die by the sword, not some silly drunken slipped on a banana peel charade.

And besides that, after checking out both teams, ….no feeling either way…end of month so the chance of a streak against Arnie's Army is about the same as me eating roasted balloons for dinner. I shouldn’t care … like a sloppy drunk who falls and wants to be sure that her lipstick didn’t smear even though her butt was on display for everyone. There’s just no shame.

So eventually I took the Air Force college football game vs. Georgia Tech. I figured, it’s the Air Force…of course they have to win. Right? I know nothing about the military or football so you can see where this game might have gone. I checked diligently on the scoreboard but it was like watching paint dry. What a slow moving points game. I’d never want to get stuck behind this game in traffic. I’d tear my Non-Gray Granny hair out. All is forgiven though as the Air Force comes through like the manly men that I assumed they were.

I was really hoping to take the Dallas Mavericks vs the OC Thunder. This is my recurrent Texas issue. I wanted to be slightly miffed that the last game went merely three minutes beyond the cutoff of choosing my pick but I’d gotten it right. Briefly.

BECAUSE I missed the cut off for what would have won me another rung up the ladder, I ended up choosing the game that I’d have preferred to be a Streak spectator for. New Orleans, who I rather like, was the invited guest to the Atlanta Falcons par-TAY. Tough choice as I really wanted to go with the Gold. However, I also saw that Atlanta seemed to be the Wise Guru at the top of the Home Mountain. Undefeated for the entire season. Well, of course they wouldn’t put that on the line, n’est-ce pas?

Not without a teaser of a fight they wouldn’t. And not without an almost 12 year old talking incessantly through the writing of the last three paragraphs. Gotta go buy me an infusion of Gramma patience because Mamma patience seems to have a hold in the knee, dear Liza, dear Liza.

I’ll have to get my Wii golf game on target before critiquing these hard working boys in spandex.
I hope this Zero is a size 5 finger. It seems that I’ve been married to it for a good part of this month.